Borderline Bondage

Written Piece

The following audio clip is a reading of the piece I recorded in 2010. I transformed the tone of the pitch in order to achieve the sound of a child’s voice.

April 16th, 2010

Run, Run
the shadows run down and around
drowning past faded tears and cumulated fears
If I hide here I can buy myself time

Tip, toe
and take my place
clench my fists and hide my face
Drenched this place with his carious crooked stench

Click, clack
slip of the buckle
wrapped tight around his knuckles
Hopefully this time he won’t see me cringe

Whip, splash
It’s almost over
Please please please sober
up from this mental encasement
Take one more breath and hold it tight

Drip, drop
Dry of emotions above my head my spirit will be floating
Away I shall go and never return

Run, Run
He’s not looking now
shh quiet to not make a sudden sound
Wrap my things in a blanket and be on my way

Kiss, Kiss
Mommy know that I’ll always love you
Clear through the fog I’m almost closer to you
I picked these flowers fresh from your garden

Back, Back
It was only my imagination
Yet one day I still will have faith in
The light that shines beyond this corner

Video Interpretation

Excerpt from my process blog about this video interpretation:

“In present day, I like the piece as an audio piece alone. At first, when I would just even see a preview of the video I would cringe thinking about what an “amateur piece” it was given the imagery I recorded and the way I edited it. Sometimes video can hurt a piece more than help it, especially when it feels like you’re spoon feeding emotional drama to your viewer.

For example there are some pieces that are far better performed live rather than listened to as an audio recording. Sometimes recording can feel too staged, manipulated, or edited. When you’re at a venue with a performer the ambience, such as the size of the room or the lighting, can help setup the mood. Overall, it’s the rawness in the deliver of the performance that moves you in that moment. You can’t always get that across in a recording even if it’s a recording of the performance. It sounds obvious, but everything about being there in that moment is part of the experience.

Though I’m not the biggest fan of the video I created for this piece, granted it was over 10 years ago, I’d still like to share it with you. I created a puppet out of recycled fabric and recorded it and myself in similar positions. After watching it a few times through, it grew on me and I feel half way decent about it, but it still feels far too saturated in emotion when compared to the audio on its own.”

Scrambled Eggs: FilAm History Spoken Word

Original Performance

This is an original spoken word piece written by Alex Cena, Marco Mercado, Darius Imperial Jr., and myself which focused on Filipino American history. There were variations of this performance, but this is the first time we performed this piece which was at SIGUE, a multigenerational symposium focused on Filipino American Identity.

It’s called scrambled eggs because it’s a mixture of our own personal pieces chopped up and mixed together along with a few ad-libs along the way. We each had our own experience with exploring and discovering our Filipino American identity.

VCU FIND Inc. Dialogue

Second performance of the piece performed in 2009 by (left to right: Lee Garduque, myself, Darius Imperial Jr.)

A Poem for Instructional Designers

This is a poem I wrote in 2019 for my Instructional Design coworkers. I printed out copies and paired them with goodie bags to distribute before the holiday break.

The holiday season has come and gone
2020 is here and the show must go on
But before we get back to the never ending grind
Recognition is due to the hustlers of all kind

Your eye for design, is skilled and unique
Your passion for learning, may it never reach its peak
Patience and kindness you possess no doubt
Even when hiccups seem to be all around, all about

Yes the journey may be long and dreadful at times,
But may your spirit stay full and endure all the climbs
For your strength and vigor we truly admire
And your ambition and drive, may it never retire

So on behalf of each of the lives you’ve touched
I say thank you so so soooo much
and should you ever feel like you want to give up
Just remember that you are and always have been
way more than enough!

Audition Monologue

I helped produce a stage play in college. We needed to cast main characters that would be execute spoken word pieces well. So I wrote this quick diddy and gave it to those auditioning a few minutes before their turn. They had to memorize the piece and perform it in front of the judges. Everyone did really well and delivered so many different surprising interpretations of the piece.

Give it a shot and see how long it takes you to memorize this tongue twister!

Generation Why Spoken Word

A spoken word piece written in 2009 about the shifting trend of genres of music. Below is a version I updated and performed in 2013 at an open mic last minute.

Below was the first version of the piece I debuted in 2009.

Patriotic Piece

Artist statement for Patriotic Piece

Circa 2010

Most individuals go through life yearning to find a sense of belonging. This idea can result in taking on some form of patriotism, yet to feel patriotic should mean that an individual has positive feelings for being a part of one’s country. I am interested in examining how this idea holds true in relation to immigrants and new countries they find homes in.

This piece mimics an act of devotion taken by those immigrants. Yet, although there is an attempt to assimilate to and abide by the standards of one country, there will always be a question of whether it was voluntary or by force. Either way the result will inevitably remain a solution; a former substance that has been tainted or purified by another. Unstable at first, the mixture will need to eventually settle as a unified form.

(Video Piece to Follow… once found in the archives lol)

Project Homesick

This is a spoken word piece I wrote about being called project homesick. The shots include thumbnails of a elements that build the character of a home.

I posed the following questions:

• How would you define being homesick?

• When do you feel homesick?

• How often do you feel this way?

• How do you cope with feeling homesick?

• Do you believe everyone can feel homesick?

• Where would you call home?

Can I Spit on It? Spoken Word

I remember us crammed into the car driving upstate to the conference and scrambling to write this piece. I always tend to do that. Wait until the last minute to write the piece and we still had to memorize it! I don’t know how we pulled it off, but it was a lot of fun.

This conference had up to 1,000 delegates and it was our first time performing for a crowd that large. The theme of the conference was Aksyon (action) and focused on exploring Filipino American Identity.

Recollecting Jose

This is a piece I created in 2012 about my grandfather using archival footage from 1997. That year was the first time I visited my families home country and met my extended family members.

2nd Chance Interview

Dear Ms. Interviewer,

Take my hand and let’s take a little trip back to Monday June 17 at 12:50pm. You see I so desperately wish to start over. So let’s go back to that low ceiling room with nothing but two black chairs and that 3 x 3 table that barely had enough room for my folder and yours.

Once again you can start off by saying..

“So tell me about yourself.”

and instead of giving you that awkward Tina Fey stare and then word vomiting all over your newly carpeted floors..

I would tell you that I’m more than just one page of mildly written evaluations and titles of former success.

I would tell you that i’m the daughter of two brave souls who dropped their hometown prosperity to move to a country unknown and take a gamble at the trials of five new ones.

I would tell you how joyful I would find it to walk into a room of 3ft tall troublesome faces each and every day.

I would tell you how I firmly agree that collaboration is key to success. I believe that one person can most certainly bring a good idea to the table, but only a team can take away a great one.

I would tell you how I avidly serve as a supporting hand for those who spend nearly all of their lives getting knocked down and shut out without ever realizing that they were never supposed to have a chance in the first place.

I would tell you that my greatest weaknesses is my ability to build people up with the highest of confidence in themselves, while still finding it hard to give myself reasons to jump.

I would tell you how I’m a magnet for distraction, but I always find a way to wind each moment back in for the bigger picture.

I would tell you that I secretly enjoy traveling alone on long bus rides because it forces me to take time to myself while still being productive.

I would tell you that I am the owner of a playlist that shuffles from Thao Nguyen and The Get Down Stay Down to A Tribe Called Quest, Rufio to Funkmaster Flex, Amy Winehouse to the tramped out divas of disney, and endless amounts of you tube videos because I believe that people create amazing things when they think no one is listening… and when I’m really stressed… I blast this playlist and clean like there’s no tomorrow.

and lastly, I would tell you how the day I quit trying to tame my long, frizzy and out of control curls was the day my reflection became a little bit clearer.

You see I wasn’t able to tell you all of this the moment you wanted to hear it because I was so bottled up with the idea of how an organization that does such amazing work would give me the chance to join their team. The very idea that I would be in the same room of those who have traveled the world and built mountains of aspirations within those who may have thought their lives were only full of unattainable dreams… made me trip over my words, fall into a pit of torment and melt into an awkward pile of disdain with nothing left to do but smile. I wish so badly that I could have spoke to you while diving out of a plane or being chased by a pack of rabid wolves because maybe then the tension wouldn’t have been strung so tight. Regretful as I am… I can only let the wind take over from here.

Sincerely yours,

Mary Anne Matel

Written in 2013
Fun Fact: I was offered the job

Decide and Revise

We will make more than a million decisions within our lifetime. Minuscule or titanic, each one can say a great deal about a person. They all contribute to the path that we are on. The stories we write. The masterpieces we are creating.

Envision. Conceive. Annihilate.

Lifelines don’t only belong to the gods. We ourselves have our hands intertwined in the existence of many. Cut them short or hold on to them until the end of our own, we must recognize where we tread and know the depth of our prints.

Mental planes. Physical strains.

Decision-maker or not, following behind leaves just as many tracks on the road.
Responding to results is the stage where our true colors are revealed.

Acceptance. Denial. Indifference. Isolation. Conformity.

Dwelling on past decisions, whether we admit it or not, is where those choices become mistakes. We may sit and sulk or pick up the pace. Each demands a breath of which we are limited.

Inhale. Exhale.

Embrace. Blend. Transform.

As the time whittles down, the wind sweeps away. Be it our fears, our loves or our dreams. Just remember, you get to choose what you hold on to.

Love always,
Mama Tell

Circa 2015